Land East of Knoll Road

We attended an evening meeting of the council just before the Corona ‘lockdown’ began.  On a table in one of the committee rooms (we shouldn’t have been there…) we saw this poster, and managed to take a quick photo.  As the title says, the poster is a plan of the ‘Land East of Knoll Road’.

There was an explanatory document next to the poster, but we didn’t have time to copy it.  However, – as far as we can remember – this is what it said:

The council has obtained funding from One Public Estate ( to develop the whole area enclosed by the red line on the plan.  As the name implies, the site will become one large housing estate.  An investigation is underway – the ‘Surrey Heath Estate Development Study’  – to maximise the amount of housing within the area.

The obvious question is ‘to where will the council go when the current offices are demolished?’ Well, as we’ve predicted before, the new council accommodation will be in the London Road Block.  But, what we’d not anticipated is that, demonstrating the council’s commitment to the Climate Emergency, the former Allders building will be repurposed, rather than be demolished.  The council will occupy it, along with Huawei, the council’s new 5G partner.  The current energy-inefficient shop windows will be replaced by military-grade concrete blocks, and just one entrance will be retained, strengthened by additional security features.

Apparently there will be no need for any public access to the building.  Extensive surveillance equipment, linked to aerials and satellite dishes on the roof, will monitor every person throughout south east England.  Consequently, all communications, movements and even thoughts within the borough, and any criticism of the council, will be detected immediately.  Correction squads will visit those involved, at any hour of the day and night, to adjust residents’ behaviours as deemed necessary by the authorities.

Once the redevelopment has been completed, the obsolete slogan ‘Camberley, Be Inspired’ will be dropped.  It will be replaced by ‘Camberley, Be Afraid’.  Be very afraid!

12 thoughts on “Land East of Knoll Road

  1. I’m confused…was this whole post an April Fools then or are they really planning to demolish & build over everything inside that red line including the theatre?

    • Well, it’s half and half. The council has indeed been in discussions with One Estate about development within that area. The picture was produced by the council. I think it’s a fair bet too that the council offices will relocate eventually into the ‘new’ London Road Block. But the rest of the item is sheer April Fool. Including the ‘Surrey Heath Estate Development Study’ (SHEDS).

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